I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
