I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
