Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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