I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
