I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
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