i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
