You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
