If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
