I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
