last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
