please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
