oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
