Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
