your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
