Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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