if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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