so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
