so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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