i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
