Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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