Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
