Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
