You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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