Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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