i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The air taste purple.
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