Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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