This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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