fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
sex in a hospital.. check
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
pray to the hookup gods
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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