Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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