did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
