Come see our sink grown plant.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
