I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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