His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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