im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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