It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
