i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
