So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
