I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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