At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
