why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize