This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
