That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
