Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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