Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
