Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
In America we eat man semen.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
