im drinking this country out of the recession.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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