She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize