Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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