I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
