Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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