I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just googled if crying burns calories
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I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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