the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
