dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
