I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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