I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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