Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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