1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
