I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
