So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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