Can i not drive my cunt home
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
