I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
