i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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