my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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