i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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