if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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