I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
