# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
