That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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