why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
