Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
