Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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