Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
