My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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