There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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