I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
