the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The cops high fived after they tackled you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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