every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
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Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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