all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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