When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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