My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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